In Love with Madonna
by Paul Knag
Earl: A black homeless man in his late 40s.
Yolanda: A homeless woman in her 30s.
Cybelle: A young girl.
Nicole: A young girl.
Hooman: A man in his late teens/early 20s.
Andrew/Cop #2: A man in his late teens/early 20s.
Madonna: A woman in her late teens/early 20s.
Colin : A man in his late 40s.
[A park in New York City. To the right there is a large park bench. To the left there is a swing set, with two swings. Both are on an angle facing the center stage. There is a small black and white TV next to the bench which is constantly on. The play takes place in time towards the end of the century. Earl, a large black homeless man wearing a purple turban on his head, is asleep on a bench. Colin, a policeman enters with his silent white partner (Cop #2). He has his night stick in hand.]
Colin: Hey, move it buddy. Ya gotta move. You can't stay here.
Earl: Excuse me officer. I live here.
Colin: Come on, don't gimme no shit. Move it.
Earl: Hey, don't I know you?
Colin: Come on, Come on!
Earl: I swear I know you. Damn I can't remember where.
Colin: I'm the police that's who I am. I seen your ugly face around before and I don't want to see it again. So move it, buddy. Come on out! Out! (Earl doesn't move. Colin hits him with the stick. Ya deaf? Did you hear me ya fuckin nigger? I'll drag your ass right down to jail if that's what you want. (Colin turns his back. Earl stands.) So he ain't gonna move. God damn lazy nigger. (Colin turns around. Earl is right in front of him) Holy shit! (Colin starts beating him with his night stick) Holy fucking shit! (His partner joins in as they flail Earl who has dropped to the ground) Look at that, assaulting a police officer. Fuck you ya scumbag.
Earl: Please, officer. I'm a Vietnam veteran. I served my country...
Colin: Come on, Come on. I don't wanna hear it. (To his partner) Everyone's got a God damned story to tell. Move your ass or we'll really fuck you next time Jimbo. I don't want to see your ugly face around here again. And this ain't coming from me, I'd like to make that very clear. This is department policy. Department policy, ya hear? All scumbags out of the parks. Orders from the Chief.
Cop #2: Yeah the Chief.
Colin: You heard it. Better run if I see your black ass again.
Earl: It's cold. So freezing cold in the morning. Ain't it a blessing I ain't freezed to death. Damn cops up early this morning. Don't matter. It's gonna be a fine day today. Maybe I'll get me some money today. Money Money Money. If I got me five dollars you know what I'd do? I'd go to the store and get me a chicken. One of those ones that are all cooked an everything. I'd go to the store and get me one of them. If I get five dollars. I hope today ain't another sorry day. I don't need no sorry days. Another sorry day for another sorry world. The United States of America. Yeah, everyone's sorry these days. �Sorry, I ain't got no dime. Sorry I ain't got no time. Sorry, I ain't got no..' ...bullshit! Man. I'm tellin' you. No one's gonna do nothin' for ya these days. Sorry people-- they not sorry, they sorry! I listen to them everyday, dishin out their sympathy with their hands in their pockets. Sorry. Why don't they just say no. Yeah that's what they should say. Just say no. �Say no to drugs.' Yeah. �Take a bite out of crime.' �Drink milk, it does a body good.' �Lucky dog, I'm a luck, lucky dog.' No I ain't. I don't want no luck. The devil brings luck. Lucky dog. The devil's dog's a lucky dog. It's blessin's man! Blessings from God! God bless you! God bless America! The sun is risin'! Hallelujah! If I get five dollars's I'm gonna get me a chicken. It would be a blessed day! God send us a blessed day! The Lord said, �Ask and you shall receive! Ask and you shall receive!' A blessed day for America! For all of us. I ask you God! For America! Everyone's who's an American. We who believe in the colours: the red the white and the blue-- the yellow, the brown and the black, all part of America. Crumbling! America is everybody's junk. What is an American? I am an American. We are Americans. Killers! What is an American? A hero! I am an American. We are Americans: African, Asian, Chicano, Mexicano, Bohemian, Armenian, Yugoslavian, Antartican, American. An American is helpful, friendly, curious, kind, cheerful, obedient, brave, cruel and irreverent. I'm proud to be an American. A soldier. I fight for your rights, for your right, your Goddamned self righteous right to fight. And we always win because we are Heroes. We always win because we are the best. So turn on the T.V. Turn it on baby. Television's got everything! Damn Sam, I'm a hungry man. Got some chicken? I want some chicken. Fried chicken, fried, fried chicken makes me want that finger licken' good good tasty tasty chicken, funky deep fat fried fried chicken. Chicken for a lucky dog, chicken for a funky frog Chicken, chicken, funky fried chicken...I ain't never starved, cause I have faith. Faith in the Lord. Halleluja! I believe! Do you believe? I don't never worry. Ask and you shall receive, said the Lord. Never never worry do I, not one second, worrying's a waste of my time, time precious time! The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want. ( Hooman enters SL. ) Good morning, man. God bless you. Could you spare some change? God bless you. Funky chicken makes me sing, chicken chicken ding a ling. Hey man, how bout some change for a disabled veteran? Come on, I'm a Vietnam veteran. I risked my life for your freedom. God bless you. Have a nice day. Vietnam. Vietnam. Do you know what happened in Vietnam? I tell you a story. We got fucked that's what we did. Them yellow heads fucked us up. Damn gooks. I'm a gook killer, I am Sam. Invisible yellow monsters. Creeping, crawling they creep in and then BANG! You're dead. They must die. It's our job. Cause Uncle Sam-- Uncle Sam-- Uncle Sam-- says I am! And theres one thing you can't never forget. Just one thing: the traitors, and the spies. They got eyes. Eyes and ears. All around. You can't see them, until you die. And they're comin! For you. For me. For all us us, everyone who lives free. They keep us down, like a ball and chain, cause we're all killers and we're all slaves. For the US of A, Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam. For God. In God we trust, ain't that right? In God we trust. Ain't no one else. Cause we all need money. Money, money, money! Excuse me please my friend, could you please help out a disabled veteran? Please, I'm destitute. I just need two dollars.
Hooman: Sorry, Man.
Earl: Sorry, Sorry people. God bless you sorry people. Sorry I can't give you nothin I'm sorry cause I'm doin' somethin more important. Something crucial to this society. An you just a God damn bum. That right? Get a job, ain't that right? Yeah. Hey, what's wrong with you, boy?
Hooman: Man, what's up with the heat. You seen �em?
Earl: Hey nothin' but cold around here. I've been freezing to death.
Hooman: Man, they been sweating me all night.
Earl: Ain't it great to be a kid. An play all night long.
Hooman: I ain't playing, man.
Earl: (Sings) �I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys �R' Us kid, a million toys for girls and boys will really flip your lid, I don't wanna grow up �cause baby if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys �R' Us kid, more games, more toys oh boy!'
Hooman: Man, Shut up!
Earl: (finishing) � ...I wanna be a Toys �R' Us kid.'
Hooman: What's up with that shit?
Earl: Ain't you got some change for a Vietnam veteran. I'm out on the street now. I just want to get me something to eat.
Hooman: Who the fuck do you think I am, the salvation army? You fuck with me, you'll be lucky if I didn't whip your ass right now.
Earl: I'm a Vietnam veteran.
Hooman: Vietnam. Man, fuck Vietnam. That's worn out news, yesterday's news, last fucking decade's news. This ain't the sixties, it's the now. That's all you sorry old bastards ever talk about.
Earl: (sings) �I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys �R' Us kid...'
Hooman: Shut it! (pushes him) Shut the fuck up.
Earl: Hey! Easy now. I'm old. I'm an old man. Please, ain't you got any change? Every bit helps.(He sits down on the bench)
Hooman: You make me sick. Get a fucking job.
Earl: I'm a disabled veteran. Just a little change, please. You look like such a nice young man.
Hooman: Man, where do you get this shit? I ain't your nice young man, you obviously ain't got too good eyes. You're damn lucky I don't fuck you up right now. I was in the Army, you know and I know how to kill a man. And I'll tell you right now I killed myself lots of A-rabs when I was there. And you know what, you look like an A-rab to me, towel-head. Vietnam, what an embarrassment. This is America. We don't fucking lose! I won my war. We kicked some ass.
Earl: I don't believe you. You ain't no soldier boy. You're a punk.
Hooman: Like fuck I'm not.
Earl: You got any scars?
Hooman: Scars? Fuck no.
Earl: You ain't got no scars. I'll tell you something. You know why I wear this around my head?
Hooman: Because you want to be an A-rab.
Earl: Because it keeps my head together. When I was in Vietnam, boy, I got fucked up bad. They broke my head open. You don't know what the Viet-Cong did to American soldier-boys. They tied them up. Crucified to stakes, and then cut them very slowly with little blades in the blazing heat and they left them there. And then at night wild animals would come and lick my wounds and chew on my oozing flesh and I had to scream and yell to show that I was still alive, that I wasn't carrion yet. They cut me and burnt me. I don't think you know what pain is, boy? What cruelty is? What horror is? You feel it, yeah. And you suffer. And you ask why. Why? I'll tell you why. Because your Uncle Sam told you so. You'd do anything for Uncle Sam, wouldn't ya? You're a Yankee Doodle Dandy. No, I didn't think so. Well he don't care about you neither. (Earl hits him. Hooman falls down. Hooman pulls a handgun.)
Hooman: I swear I'll blow you away, you fucking lunatic. (Earl starts to laugh) I'll kill you nigger.
Earl: Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger NIGGER!! I'm a blind nigger. But shit, I can hear them. (Hits the ground) Damn! They're coming in fast now like yellow jackets. They're everywhere. Cover me! I'm goin' in! Fuckers! They're everywhere!
Hooman: Don't move or I'll blow you away. I'll do it man. Way the fuck away. To oblivion. To death. Yeah. Death, dead as a doornail. C'mon you fuckin bum, fuckin slave. (He walks up to Earl.) Kneel! (Earl is already on his knees. He looks up at him. Suddenly Earl wrestles him down by the legs and gets him by the throat.)
Earl: Don't call me nigger.
Earl: You know, I should kill you. Now shouldn't I?
Earl: And why not? What do I have to lose? Huh?
Hooman: Please man, please. I just got out of control man. I don't like to be hit man. But it's cool. It's cool. I'm sorry.
Earl: Oh soldier boy. Don't grovel. It's so humiliating, and I thought you don't like that.
Hooman: I don't like to be killed, man.
Earl: You don't like to be killed? But ain't that what soldier-boy thrives on? Ain't that what gets him going. What gives him that fucking thrill. That threat. That danger. Don't you like danger?
Hooman: No. No, I hate danger, man. I'm sorry man. It's cool man. I'm sorry.
Earl: Oh sorry, sorry people. Sorry boy, sorry Goddamned world. (He lets Hooman go.) You call yourself a soldier. You're just a dope dealer.(He gets up and walks away, always facing the other direction. ) A pill peddler. You call yourself a Hero. A Hero of the United States of America. An American soldier? You're nothing. I'm nothing. We're all nothing. Nothing's nothing anymore.
Hooman: Fuck man, I can't deal with this shit. I'm making a living and if you got a problem with that well fuck you. What the hell is the problem here? I'm an entrepreneur. This is America right, home of the free and the brave? Man, what you want me to do. I done my time. There was another war since you all last woke up and I was in it. It was against a bunch of sandy-assed A-rabs and we kicked their brown camel dung asses real bad. You see there was this lunatic named Saddam Insane who thought he was all bad and shit and he could take us on. What a fucking joke! We're American fuckin' Heroes. That's what we are, not the hippy freak Vietnam fags that got their asses wipped. We won. And we came home and we were honored. All of us. Stormin' Norman and Colin Powell leadin' the way. And what the fuck. I get home and here I am. There's nothin for me. Nothin except for a couple of flags and shit. Man, I need money, I gotta make a living. That's the name of the game. M-O-N-E-Y. All I do is meet the demand, you know. It's just simple economics. Supply and demand. I don't tell no kids to smoke base. They come to me on their own. People got it all backwards. It ain't the dope man who's fucked up, he's the one who keeps his head. It's the junkies, man. Rock heads-- fuck �em. You got to be out for yourself or they'll fuck you right up the ass, man. Who do I trust? Me. That's who I trust. Ain't no one else in this world. Anything else and you'd be dreaming. You gotta live in reality. Man, that's the problem in this world. Everyone's out in dreamy land. You start sleeping and someone be stabbing you in the back. So you don't sleep man, if you want to live right. Business. It's what makes this world go round. I ain't on no welfare, none of that shit. I got some pride. That's the difference between you and me. I got my pride and you ain't got shit beggin' around in the dirt like a bitch. You gotta get some pride and stop letting people fuck with you. You gotta know who's number one. And that's the only way to be. And let me tell you something. We ain't at Sesame Street and I ain't Big fuckin' Bird. I'm the dope man, and if you can't deal with it, well fuck you, I'll pump you full of lead and you'll be a dead motherfucker. Yo, I can either be you or I can be me. Don't sound like no choice to me. They've already made me my choice. The goddamned American Dream! [Hooman takes the gun.]
Earl: Don't worry about me boy. I've got eyes in the back of my head. Peace brother. Peace be with you. My name is Earl.
Hooman: How long you lived here Earl?
Earl: Since before you were born.
Hooman: You're strong for an old man.
Earl: Yes, I'm an old man. Let me sit down. Let me catch my breath. (He sits.) [Hooman exits SL, Madonna enters SR.]
Earl: Good mornin' miss.
Madonna: Ya ain't seen anybody around?
Earl: Who ya lookin' for?
Madonna: My boyfriend.
Earl: I ain't seen shit.
Madonna: Well that helps.
Earl: Ain't nobody been around.
Madonna: Well fuck. That's just like him, blowin' me off again. Bastard.
Earl: Not very considerate.
Madonna: Not at all. He treats me like I'm some bimbo. Why do I put up with it? Why?
Earl: He's your pimp?
Madonna: What? Hey, what do you think I am? He's my boyfriend. Didn't you hear me? I don't got no pimp. I'm self- employed.
Earl: Self-employed? You ain't gonna get anywhere if you don't get an agent. You can't promote yourself. It don't work that way.
Madonna: I works fine for me.
Earl: All right.
Madonna: Why does he always keep me waiting?
Earl: �Cause he's the dope man. A cocky little thug.
Madonna: You know him?
Madonna: Well shut up then.
Earl: I apologize, miss. So are you a whore by profession or just an amateur?
Madonna: Neither actually. (With pride!) I'm a dancer by profession. I fuck on the side.
Earl: Part time.
Madonna: You could call it that.
Earl: So why are you a whore?
Madonna: Hey, what is this? Twenty questions?
Earl: To buy your rock?
Earl: You whore to buy your rock.
Madonna: No I don't. My boyfriend gives it to me free, for your information. I've got my own reasons.
Earl: You gonna tell me?
Madonna: Why should I? It's my own private reason and it's none of your affair. Earl: You're right.
Madonna: And besides, you wouldn't understand. It's girl stuff.
Earl: I apologize, miss. I didn't mean to pry. Are you in love?
Earl: Do you love your boyfriend?
Madonna: Look. There ain't nothing wrong with sex. Why are you on my case? Sex doesn't mean love, there ain't no such thing as love. OK. Well that's just my opinion, and I guess maybe I'm cynical, but you ain't had my life. I believed in love a long time ago when I was a holy little virgin. But since I've started fucking I knew it wasn't true. It's a lie. OK. So that's why I whore. You got a problem with it? Hey, it's my body and I can do with it whatever I want. I don't got no pimp. And that's how it's gonna be. I'm self- employed. I'm the only one telling me what to do. Me. I'm the one in charge. You got it? So what else do you wanna know? My phone number, my bra size?
Earl: I used to be a whore.
Madonna: I bet.
[Enter Andrew, SR]
Earl: You know you're pretty for a whore.
Madonna: I told you, I'm a dancer. [To Andrew] Hey baby. You want some sex? Hey baby.
Madonna: Ya wanna fuck me?
Andrew: I don't got much time.
Madonna: A quickie. 50 bucks.
Andrew: Come on.
[They exit SL. Enter Yolanda and waifs SR]
Nicole: I swear I just saw her. She was here. Standing right here. It was her.
Nicole: Oh. She's soooo pretty. She looks like a goddess. I wish I was like her.
Yolanda: I ain't seen no one. You girls dreamin' again.
Nicole: She's real mom. She's really pretty and really cool and I think she's a professional dancer.
Yolanda: Well then she's probably rich as sin so next time you see her girls, I don't want no fawning. Pull some money out her ass.
Nicole: Oh Mom. That's all you think about.
Yolanda: Well then, miss sassy ass. You can dream the day away. And I'll eat.
Earl: (To Yolanda) Excuse me, miss. Could you spare some change for a disabled veteran? (Waifs go to swing on the swing set.)
Yolanda: Shut it Earl. I ain't got time for your games today.
Earl: Oh lady, I do insist. Come here, my Guinivere, I require just a kiss.
Yolanda: You ain't gettin' nothin' from me for free.
Earl: I've got yout warm and friendly company. And how are my beautiful little waifs, today?
Yolanda: Starving and sick and cold. An they're mine.
Earl: You never can tell. You know I can see myself sometimes in their eyes.
Yolanda: Don't flatter yourself, Earl.
[Enter Andrew, SR. Walks around back. Smoking, etc.]
Earl: There ain't nothin' more beautiful than little girls.
Yolanda: You better shut your stinkin' mouth before I put my foot in it. You don't know nothin' about girls. Them two little brats are a constant pain in my ass. All they do is whine and complain and give me gray hairs. Why Why Why they ask all day long. Never shut up them two. Spoiled little brats. That's what they are.
Earl: You got two beautiful little girls.
Yolanda: I got two hungry little mouths to feed other than my own.
Earl: Children are God's greatest blessin'.
Yolanda: Listen to the men speak! They's a woman's greatest curse. You want �em. You can have �em. They make'n me go hungry.
Earl: You don't know what you have. You've got a family.
Yolanda: Oh give me a fuckin' break.
Earl: You're a mother. There ain't no job more important.
Yolanda: You're full of shit. Fuck off.
[Enter Hooman, SL. He eyes the girls on the swing set. ]
Earl: It's true. You all don't understand, �cause you had it all your life. It's about love, trust, family. If you ain't got it you alone in the forest. An there's some sly and evil things out there. The whores and the generals. I tell you a story. Come here girls. Uncle Earl gonna tell you a story: Once upon a time there was a hunter. He was a fine hunter and one day he went into the forest and found an old human skull.
Nicole: Oooh, gross.
Earl: So the hunter goes, �What happened?� and then the skull says to him: �Talking brought me here.� So the hunter he was amazed an all that and so he ran off to tell the king about this talking skull.
Cybelle: Skulls don't talk.
Earl: Yeah, the king, he couldn't believe it either and decided to send guards out with the hunter to see if he had told the truth. The king ordered the hunter killed if he had lied. When they reached the place where the skull was, the hunter tried to get the skull to talk again but it wouldn't. As much as he tried, the skull just stared back at him. When the guards realized the skull could not speak, they killed the hunter and left the forest. The skull then asked: �What happened?� and the hunter's head said, �Talking brought me here.
Nicole: What's it mean?
Earl: It means watch out for the traitors, and the spies.
Yolanda: No it don't. It means know when to shut your mouth. You see girls, if you keep on whining you gonna die too, cause you gonna starve to death. Now lets go. I've had just enough of this old bum and his damn folk tales.
[Exit: Yolanda and Waifs. Andrew wanders over and to Hooman.]
Andrew: Hey man. Hey man, what's up?
Hooman: What's up?
Andrew: You got the shit man.
Hooman: Chill man. Ears and eyes man. Ears and eyes everywhere. All around us man. So chill.
Andrew: It's cool, man. It's cool.
Hooman: All right man. So it is. All right. What you need tonight? Some base?
Andrew: No man. Coke. Straight up.
Hooman: Coke? All right. Now you know I usually set you up cool. But I got like just a little problem today, you know. Just a small one.
Andrew: Oh Shit.
Hooman: You see my supply is kinda short, these days for that shit. I can't meet the demand, you know what I'm saying? So prices goin' up a little bit. You understand.
Andrew: Oh, shit man.
Hooman: Economics, my friend, simple economics, don't they teach you that shit in college?
Andrew: Man, I only got 100 dollars.
Hooman: That's all right homes. That's cool. I'll set you up strait. Listen, have I ever done you wrong? We do business. I don't fuck around with business. So stop fussin. What I do got is some high quality product. You know what I'm sayin?
Andrew: High quality bullshit.
Hooman: Yo man. Who you the fuck you think you're talkin to? Man, I don't got time for your lip. Now you want it, or you can just get the fuck out my face.
Andrew: Sorry, I'm cool.
Hooman: All right. Here's the scoop. I just gotta short you a little. Now this is high quality, uncut Colombian shit man. Straight from the source. This amount will do you as good as a whole gram of the regular street shit. Freeze it man.
Hooman: No dope man. Clean high quality product.
Andrew: All right.
Earl: (Sings) �Get up! Get on up ah! Get up! Get on up ah! Stay on the scene, like a sex machine. Get up! Get on up ah!'
Hooman: Shut up!
Earl: Boy, you should respect your elders.
Hooman: (Approaches him.) Man, you can suck my dick. (Andrew runs off.)
Earl: I can?
Hooman: Yeah. You should know not to go messin' with my business. Can't you see I'm conducting business?
Earl: A Business man.
Hooman: That's what I am.
Earl: (Sings) Business man- That's what I am.
Hooman: (Turns to Earl) Man, shut up. (Andrew slinks away and exits.)
Earl: (Sings) �The way I like it- The way it is-'
Hooman: You're a crazy man.
Earl: (Sings) You got it. Gonna get some funky chicken. You know it. Kentucky's finger lickin'.
Hooman: You should get your head checked. (He notices Andrew is gone) Fucker! (He exits.)
[Earl continues to sing Sex Machine. Andrew enters]
Earl: You better watch your ass boy. They's bad men a-lookin for you.
Andrew: Hey, mind your own business.
Earl: Just lookin' out for your sorry ass.
Andrew: Shut up you damn bum.
Earl: You watch it boy. You should respect your elders. I've been pullin' shit since before yo daddy knew how to jerk off.
Andrew: You're just a bum, hasn't anyone ever told you that? You're a leech on society and I'm sick of hearing your ravings. Well where is she?
Andrew: Yolanda, she's late.
Earl: Why do waste your money on that dirty old ho?
Andrew: None of your business. But just since you wanted to know the woman knows how to suck. Experience man. It's experience I like. Someone who's been around the block once or twice. Someone who's got a clue. A woman who knows how to suck dick. Not some priss bag princess from Connecticut.
Earl: I'll take the princess.
Andrew: Man. That's the problem with all you poor people. You're all hung up on us rich people. You think about us more than we think about ourselves. Spending all day sitting around wishing you were me. Well it ain't that great being rich. We're no different. We're people too, we're no happier. We just got money and all the problems that go with it. You ain't no better when you got money. You're just richer. That's all. And poor people got more character. Man, a rich girl will whine and cry and give you hell, but a poor girl. No. She'll get down on the floor and suck your dick good and hard and nasty like she's supposed to, no fuss. Nothing. She just does what she's supposed to. It's her job, and she knows it, so she doesn't spend all day long trying to fool herself into believing that she's anything else. No pouting and crying. You just give her your cash and she's gone. No fuss, no problems, no daddies. It's efficient, like it should be. No fucking let's go back to preschool and feel our feeling and get in touch with our sexual identity bullshit. Girls around here know what's up and what to do with it. They understand reality. Back home, they don't know anything but Bennetton and Beemers. I'm not with all that pretentious shit. Atound here I can be myself. I spend my money here where people appreciate the value of a dollar. And if I get a girl pregnant, it isn't any fiasco. I like that. Black people are strange, but some of them are cool, you got to admit it.
Earl: Some of �em, yeah. Yolanda. Now that's my girl. A good mother. I love her ass. I do. Even if its a ho ass. Never a harder working honest ho like her. She keeps her children fed. Beautiful girls. God bless her.
Andrew: So where is she man, you seen her?
Earl: Seen her? Oh no man. I ain't seen shit. Man I never see shit. You should know that. I'm blind, man. I can't see. Blind as a bat. (Sings) �You got the right one baby, uh-huh!'
Andrew: Oh, come on man. I saw her just a little while a go right here with you. I just want to give her some business. I'm not gonna fuck with her. Man, come on. Five bucks.
Earl: Ah, shit man. I ain't no snitch.
Andrew: Come on man. Just tell me where she is.
Earl: Go. Go on boy. Get your ass outta here. Run. Before you get yourself shot. [Andrew exits. Hooman enters.]
Hooman: You seen him? You seen him Earl? I'm gonna hang him by his dick!
Earl: I ain't seen shit. Man, I never see shit. You should know that. Blind as a bat. (Sings) �You got the right one baby, uh-huh!'
Hooman: Come on man. Don't give me that shit.
Earl: I ain't seen shit. You deaf?
Hooman: As deaf as you are blind.
Earl: Can you read lips?
Hooman: Man, shut up. I'm gonna find that skinny fucker. The police are gonna have to come and peel me off his bloody ass. Man, no one fucks with me.
Earl: Well ain't you one bad ass motherfucker.
Hooman: Don't you ever forget it. When you gonna realize that I just don't care?
Earl: Ain't you a tough white boy.
Hooman: Yo man, I ain't white.
Earl: Looks it to me.
Hooman: I ain't white. But I ain't no nigger either. Yo, man. You tryin' to start something again? Man you pissin me off.
[Enter Yolanda and Waifs]
Yolanda: All right, Cinderella. I've had just about enough of your sassy mouth. Stop aggravating me. We ain't made enough money yet.
Earl: Well look who's here. How's it goin', moms?
Yolanda: Earl. Oh, Earl. I need a fix Earl. I really need it. I need some money. I need to work, Earl. Can you set me up? Oh Earl. [To Hooman] I'll give you a blow job for 10 bucks.
Hooman: 50 cents.
Yolanda: Fuck you.
Hooman: No, fuck you, bitch. Dumb ass hooker. I ain't payin' for your junk. I hate you fuckin' drug addicts. A fucking disease. That's what you are. Fuckin' junkies. I ain't payin' for your AIDS mouth to suck on my dick.
Yolanda: You're a fucking prick.
Hooman: But she'll do... (motioning to the girls) both of them. (He caresses one of them)
Yolanda: I'm gonna kill you you motherfucker. Get your hands off my child. You bastard. I'm gonna rip your dick off and feed it to you.
[Hooman exits, laughing]
Asshole. Doesn't he have one ounce of decency. Children, for christsake! Oh, child, I'm sorry.
Cybelle: It's all right mommy. I'd fuck him. It's OK. We need the money.
Yolanda: Oh honey. Don't say that. Don't ever say that.
Nicole: It's all right mom. We understand.
(They Exit.) (Madonna enters alone. Burning up is playing in the background.)
Madonna: Goddamn prick. Who the hell does he think I am? I'm not just any dirty old piece of ass you know. I'm a dancer, for your information. That's my profession. Ain't nothin' wrong with putting a little spirit into your profession. Shit, it's essential. I'm an artist, and ya gotta put your soul into art or else it's nothing. Its garbage. Ya see sex is just like dancing. If you don't wiggle your ass and show �em your stuff they're not gonna get off. There's nothin in the world I love more the dancing. Its real art you know. Real organic, spiritual ya know. An expression of the soul and all that. Its just that most people don't express their souls. They hide everything inside, all strapped up tight. That's why they can't dance-- these white people-- most white people I know. Ya see dancing is basic, kinda animal like. You got to strip away all that shit that keeps you from being the honky ass suit and tie big shit that you are. You can't dance with a suit and tie on. My God. And those big old dresses. Its just silly. Dancing is the expression of the soul through the body. To express yourself you got to show yourself. Nobody's really danced until they've danced bare-assed naked. Let's face it. Animals don't wear clothes. You got to let it all hang out and wiggle and throb. Express yourself! Clothes just burden you down. You see that's why it's like sex-- The people who can really do it are dancers. They dance with each other. And that's why I'm such a good fuck. �Cause I'm a dancer. I'm a professional. So what do you think? You think I'm good enough? You want me? (she approaches an audience member) Excuse me. Do you want some sex? Excuse me. Do you wanna fuck me? I wanna be your whore. You want me baby? You wanna see my stuff? [Music comes up louder.]
You want me. Come and get me. [Madonna dances. The music stops abruptly. She stops dancing] Hey! You ain't paid me yet! What about the goddamned money! You pricks! Fuckers! I hate men! Fuck �em. I don't need �em. I never a good man in my life. All they know how to do is fuck. Well girls can fuck too. You'll see. I'll be rich one day. I'll be a star. And everyone will know who I am and wish they were me. Oh yeah I'll get paid. I'm gonna get paid back and paid well and then I'll never need them. I ain't afraid of anything. Nothing! There ain't no man who can step in my way. They think I'm stupid. (Laughs) A bimbo. I got them by the balls. I only give them what they want, it's so easy. And I'm gonna fuck them. For all the times they fucked me! A rich whore. Queen whore. A fuck goddess! And when I've got them all with their pants down, I'll laugh. I'll laugh at them! Hahahahaha! I promise you! The girls are gonna have some fun! [Earl rises from the bench]
Earl: Hey you. Stop talkin' to yourself. You're much better at dancin' than at talkin.
Madonna: You like dancing?
Earl: Baby, I'm the funkiest thing since James Brown.
Madonna: That's all old stuff. C'mon, I'll show you.
[Madonna gets Earl up and starts dancing. Burning up is playing. Earl slowly gets into it. He lets himself be mastered by her in dance. He is her slave on the dance stage. Hooman arrives on stage towards the end of the song. He watches them, and the music stops suddenly as he steps forward]
Hooman: Goddamn it bitch ain't you got any shame?
Madonna: We was only dancin'
Hooman: Dancin'? You were humpin that old bum like a God damned whore.
[ Earl retreats back to the bench and watches his television.]
Madonna: You saying I'm a whore?
Hooman: No you're not. You're a dancer.
Madonna: But I fuck for money.
Hooman: On the side.
Madonna: From behind, on top, upside down, anyway you want it baby.
Hooman: Shut up bitch. You know I hate it when you talk like that. You sound like a cheap slut. Can't you be a fuckin' lady for once. Get some class.
Madonna: (Teasing) How can I get any class if all I am is a part time hooker. I want to be a call girl. You know and do senators in Limousines.
Hooman: You know you're a sad case. Ya got slut blood.
Madonna: Damn, you're touchy-touchy today. What's the matter? That time of the month?
Hooman: What the fuck are you trying to say, bitch? I don't like your implication, bitch.
Madonna: Don't you call me a bitch no more! Who do you think I am? I'm not just some-- slut on the street. I'm a person, I've got feelings too. And I'm gonna be famous! I promise you.
Hooman: I've never heard anything so goddamned trite in my whole life.
Madonna: Fuck off. (Hooman hits her)
Hooman: You watch your mouth bitch. I know what you been up to. I've noticed you little tricks, stealin' a little here and there, and you think I didn't notice. We'll I did, but it was cool. I let you get away with it �cause you're so goddamned pitiful. But not anymore. I don't give a shit about you bitch, I ain't a sucker. You baseheads are a bad lot. If it wasn't for the money, I'd never sell the shit. So fuck it. Go get your crack rock from someone else. �Cause I ain't your fuckin' daddy.
Madonna: No. No baby. I'm sorry. I know I've been a real bitch lately. I'm sorry, I really am. I'll make it up to you I swear. Anything you want. Please, please baby. Don't do this to me. You know I need you. Come on baby. I'll be a lady. I promise. Please.
Hooman: Don't grovel whore. You are a whore.
Madonna: I'm anything you want me to be. I'll do anything for you.
Hooman: Bitch stop lying. Damn baseheads'd kill their own mother for a hit.
Madonna: Oh come on baby. Don't be so cold. I'll do anything for you.
Hooman: We'll if you want a hit you're gonna have to get your knees dirty.
Madonna: Right here? Oh come on baby. You know I don't like to do that. Anything else.
Hooman. Well then fuck off bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you're special. I'll tell you something. I got two just like you.
Madonna: I'm Madonna Louise Ciccone for your information buster. Just in case you didn't recognize me. So go fuck yourself! I'm not your property.
Hooman: What the fuck. The bitch turned butch. I don't believe what I'm hearin'. Stupid fuckin' hooker ain't nothin but a dyke. (He slaps her) Go find your rock somewhere else, bitch. [Hooman exits. Madonna begins to cry.]
Madonna: Bastard. I hate you! I fucking hate you! Slut blood. All I got is slut blood. Fuckin' slut blood. (She removes a razor and slashes her right wrist) Look, Slut blood. Do you see. I got slut blood. (She sucks on her wrist) Do you see it. Salty red slut blood.
- You see
- it's slut blood.
Yolanda: Hey. What's wrong with you. (She taps her.)
Madonna: Slut blood...
Yolanda: You poor thing. What are you trying to do?
Madonna: (holding out her bloody wrist) Do you see...
Yolanda: Come here. (She rips off a piece of her clothing and binds it around Madonna's wrist. Madonna is crying and shivering again.) Poor thing. You cold honey? (She puts her coat over Madonna) You need anything?
Madonna: (crying) I need a hit.
Yolanda: Well who the fuck do you think I am girl. The Easter bunny? I'm saving your life here and all you got to do is beg for dope.
Madonna: (Sobbing) I'm sorry.
Yolanda: I ain't makin' this a habit. [She removes a pipe and vial, puts a rock into the pipe and hands it to Madonna. Madonna sits up and smokes it. She passes it to Yolanda who takes a hit. They sit for a while.]
Yolanda: Did he hit you?
Yolanda: Your boyfriend.
Yolanda: You deserve it?
Madonna: Yeah, I mean no.
Yolanda: You sure?
Yolanda: So why the dramatics?
Madonna: I don't know.
Yolanda: You're so young. So beautiful.
Madonna: You think so?
Madonna: You're not queer?
Yolanda: Everyone's queer sweetheart, as soon as you learn that, you'll have it all figured out. Listen honey, I've seen everything twice in my life and over again. It's all the same mixed up mess in the end. I never tried to make any sense out of it, I just lived it. You just got to live, and living is making a living. Money is what life's about and I ain't never had enough. Yeah, people will tell you all sorts of shit about love and trust and all sorts of things but I'll give it to you straight and spare you all the pain. Life ain't nothing but sex and money. That's all it comes down to. That's the God's honest truth. All that other shit well you can save that for the next life �cause it don't happen around here. And between you and me, as women, I'll tell you a secret. Men carry all their money tied around their dicks. So you got to approach them the right way if you want to get at it. Ain't nothin' that turns a girl on more than money. I'm sure you're aware of that. And girls know how to put money to good use. Give me some money and I tell you what I'd do. I'd buy a house. A house for women, for me and my girls. That's what I want, that's what I dream about. It's yellow with a white picket fence. Ain't that stupid. It ain't ever gonna happen, but I tell you, it keeps me going. Everyone has to have a dream. You're dead without a dream. Men, that's easy. They're just an inferior species, you'll learn that too if you haven't already. They're just big babies all of them. Easy to figure out. I got two little babies of my own. The labor of my life. Ain't it grand bein' a woman. Well they are girls of course, I don't make no boys. And they are the most beautiful girls you ever seen. Don't look nothing like my ugly ass. They come right from God. Little angels, that's what they are. And I'll tell you a secret. I'd be dead without them. A house for my girls. It's crazy what money can buy.
Madonna: I'll pay you back.
Madonna: No I will. I keep to my word.
Yolanda: The years have softened my old heart. You remind me of someone I used to know.
Madonna: Yeah who? You?
Yolanda: No. A friend.
Madonna: Yeah. Well I'm sure if you get to know me you'd realize that I'm not like anyone else. I'm Madonna.
Yolanda: Which one?
Madonna: Madonna Madonna, who else? You might not have heard of me yet. But you will. I'm going to be famous.
Yolanda: Madonnas always want to be famous. Some are, some aren't, some just think they are. Don't get your heart set on it, honey.
Madonna: It's already set.
Yolanda: You poor thing. Life ain't gonna do nothing but let you down.
Earl: (suddenly) �Get up! Get on up-ah! Get up! Get on up-ah!...'
Yolanda: Earl, can't you control yourself for once.
Earl: Yolanda, my Momma!
Yolanda: I ain't your Momma!
Earl: It's 10 pm. Do you know where your children are?
Yolanda: Ain't you got nothin' original to say?
Madonna: I do.
Yolanda: You ain't never said something I ain't heard before.
Earl: That's �cause you already heard everything, Momma. But you ain't seen how this girl can dance. [Sex Machine plays. They dance, Yolanda exits.]
Earl: Damn. You're better than the real thing.
Yolanda: The real thing?
Earl: Better than Madonna.
Madonna: Hey, I am Madonna, silly. I'm confused.
Earl: Then you are a wise woman. Everybody else think they got it all figured out.
Madonna: Fuckin' smart asses. I hate �em. I think with my body.
Earl: You are a wonderful dancer. Pretty funky for a little white girl. You sure you ain't black.
Madonna: 100% Italian, baby.
Earl: If you weren't so pale, I'd think you was lyin'.
Madonna: I never ever lie. It's a sin to lie, ya know. I just tell people God's honest truth. And if they can't take it, fuck �em. Get with reality. So people say I'm blunt, well fuck �em too. I speak my mind.
Earl: So what you gotta say.
Madonna: What d'you mean?
Earl: Tell me God's honest truth.
Earl: Oh, Come on. I won't be offended. Come on.
Madonna: It's not like that. I speak when I want to. I ain't got nothing to say.
Earl: Don't think. Just say things. Just let it come out your mouth.
Earl: Close your eyes. Go on, close em. (She does) Now roll your eyes to the back of your head. Now take a breath. Yeah, big deep breath. Now make a sound. Just let it come out your throat. Like this...ahhhhh (Earl starts throaty moans)
Earl: Just let the words come.
Madonna: (as if in a trance) Ahhhh....lovvvve......yoooouuuuu........Eaaarrrrllll........ (She suddenly breaks out of her �trance' and stops.) Ican't do it.
Earl: You were doin' fine.
Madonna: I ain't said a word. I can't do it.
Earl: You said plenty.
Madonna: I did?
Earl: Yes you did.
Madonna: I don't remember. What'd I say? Was it blunt? Oh come on. Tell me what I said. Please, Please, Please!
Earl: You said �I love you Earl.'
Madonna: (Flirting) Love is what makes the world go �round.
Earl: Yeah, love.
Madonna: And dancing.
Earl: Dancin' is everything. Just keep dancin' that's what I learned.
[Earl dances around and sings sex machine. Madonna laughs along. Suddenly he breaks out and lunges to the the ground.]
They're here. They're all around us. The spies and traitors. They're coming, and they're gonna get us. They're here. In our very midst. Get down. Stay low. Don't let �em see you or you a dead duck. We're all dead. Just watch your head. Quiet....Shhhh.....
Madonna: Earl....What's wrong....
Earl: Quiet....Shhh....you have to be very quiet. Stalk like an animal. They're all around us. Do you see them?
Earl: There. There they are. They're all around us. Spies and traitors. (He screams. Frantic whisper) No! Don't shoot! I don't want to die. I want peace. Peace, motherfuckers peace! (He runs around the stage and then stops suddenly.)
Madonna: Oh Earl, don't be so silly.
Earl: I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me.
Madonna: You're a silly old man.
Earl: I ain't no silly rabbit. �Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.'
Madonna: You're a clown. You clown around and put on airs and make me laugh.
Earl: What you talkin, lady? You don't know me.
Madonna: Oh yes I do. I know you Earl. ( She embraces him and kisses him on the cheek.) I know what you're made of. I know what you're all about. You're like me.
Earl: A whore.
Madonna: No you're not.
Earl: A whore.
Madonna: An artist, Earl! You're an artist.
Earl: I'm crazy motherfucker.
Madonna: You come with me and be famous.
Earl: I already am.
Madonna: You're not.
Earl: Yes I am. You ask anyone. Say: �You seen that crazy motherfucker singin' songs and all that stuff on the street. And they say yeah. I know that guy. I listened to him singin. I seen him dancin.'
Madonna: But how do you know that's really you.
Earl: The real Earl. It ain't. No one knows the real Earl. Yeah, that's the price of fame. It's a curse. You're soul without a name.
Madonna: They don't even pay. You should charge them. Make them pay to see you.
Earl: No one wants to see me. I ain't pretty like you.
Madonna: Earl, I think you're beautiful. (She embraces him.)
Earl: Blessings from God.
Madonna: But I can't live on blessings alone, Earl. Girls like money. (Madonna suddenly breaks the embrace.) Oh Earl, I forgot. It's so late. I've got to go. (She runs off) See ya. (Exit) [Yolanda enters with Waifs.]
Yolanda: (into the audience) Could you spare a bit of change for the children? Please, sir. Could you spare a little? Nicole. Come over here. What have you got? Give it to me. 50 cents. You'll have to do better than that young lady if you expect to eat. I'll not have you dreaming the day away. Come here my little princess. I'll have you know, your mother's a whore. Whoring night and day to feed your hungry little holes. Cybelle. You're such a good girl. So hungry and poor, my beautiful little waif. Just like your mother. Such a good girl. You'll do far better than little miss 50 cents Cinderella.
Nicole: Who's Cinderella?
Yolanda: That's you darling. That's the name I gave you.
Nicole: No it's not, it's Nicole.
Yolanda: It's Cinderella, you heard me. You're Cinderella whether you like it or not. You better shape up or ship out, missy.
Cybelle: Who am I, mommy?
Yolanda: Why you're my little darling, my angel Cybelle. What a silly thing to ask. Now listen here girls. We need money, We need to eat. Mommy's sick. We have to get more medicine. Now how does it work? We get money. How do we get money? We beg for it, we steal it, we take it. I don' t care how we get it. Get it?
Nicole: Got it, Mom.
Yolanda: All right. You've gotten me $2.50 today. And I've gotten 10 bucks all by myself. You're gonna have to start pulling your end. I want to have at least gotten 5 bucks by lunchtime. (She takes a lollipop from Nicole's mouth) None of that. I don't want none of that Sesame Street stuff. We're hungry and poor. We're desperate. I want some money out of you, Nicole.
Nicole: Name's Cinderella, Mom.
Yolanda: You shut your fresh mouth before I put my fist in it.
Cybelle: Yeah, Nicole.
Yolanda: You shut up too, young lady. I haven't the patience today. I'll tell you now. Don't test me. Mommy hasn't the patience. So you two be best to just shut up and do as you're told. I want some respectable begging out of you two.
Cybelle: (to audience) Excuse me. Excuse me mister. Can I have some money for food? (Man gives her some money) Thanks! Hey Mom! He gave me two dollars. Two whole dollars!
Yolanda: Give it here. Thank you. That's very good. That's what I like to see. You're a good girl. Do you see? Do you see, Nicole? Someone around here likes to eat. Someone around here knows what it's like to be hungry and go to sleep with an empty stomach and wake up cold and wet in the morning. This world ain't gonna give you nothin unless you take it. But if hunger suits you, well that's just fine. You can stand around like Cinderella while me and your sister eat. And you can just stand there and watch us eat, as you seem so fond of doing. Just stand there and we'll eat, but we won't give any to you, cause you like to be hungry. We'll let you smell it, we'll let you see it. We might even let you taste it. But we won't let you eat it. Not one goddamned crumb. You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Yolanda: Be quiet, stupid. That was a rhetorical question.
Nicole: Why did you ask a question if you don't want an answer?
Yolanda: I told you stupid, because it's rhetorical.
Yolanda: Now no more questions. You're making me tired and aggravated. So shut up for once.
Nicole: Mom. Can I make a rhetorical question? Mom. Why are you such a mean witch? It was a rhetorical question! You can't answer it!
[Nicole runs offstage]
Yolanda: I'm gonna kill you, you little brat! If I ever catch you, I'm gonna rip your sweet little face into shreads and eat you up. Eat you alive. You don't know how hungry..... You don't know how hungry I am. I'll eat you up with ketchup and mustard. Your sister and me.
Cybelle: Mom, that's gross.
Yolanda: Shut up, you. Mommy needs more medicine. Mommy doesn't feel too good. Mommy's sick.
Cybelle: I'm sorry, mommy. (She hugs her)
Yolanda. (pushing her away) Get off of me and beg!
[They exit. Madonna comes running in, carrying a shopping bag]
Madonna: Earl, Earl guess what! You won't believe what just happened to me. You won't believe who I just met! (Earl is silent) Guess who? I met this big time A&R man from Warner Brothers. Big time. No joke. He said he's interested in me! Can you believe it, me! I told you I'm gonna be famous.
Earl: So what's his name?
Madonna: Colin. His name is Colin. He said he wants to meet with me and my agent.
Earl: Who's your agent?
Madonna: You are.
Madonna: Well I was thinkin' you're like good at acting and so maybe you could pretend to be my agent.
Earl: I've been all sorts of things, but never no pimp.
Madonna: I said agent.
Earl: What about your boyfriend?
Madonna: He's a prick. You know that. We're finished. So what do you say? You gonna do it? Please...Oh Earl please.... If you help me get this deal. I'll do anything for you. I'll love you forever. Pleease...
Earl: How do you expect him to believe that I'm your agent. I don't look like an agent.
Madonna: Oh, that's easy. I've got some clothes right here you. They should fit. (She gives him the bag) Try �em on.
Earl: You're all prepared.
Madonna: Have to. He's coming in 5 minutes.
Earl: Five minutes?
Madonna: Oh, don't worry Earl. You'll be fabulous. You're a natural.
Earl: Five minutes? Right here, Right now? Damn, you don't give me much time. All right. All right.
[He goes behind the bench and starts changing his clothes. Madonna primps and puts on lipstick.]
Madonna: How do I look, Earl?
Earl: Like a virgin.
Madonna: Oh, don't be absurd, Earl.
Earl: I ain't.
Madonna: You're full of shit.
Earl: I am?
Madonna: You are. Are you ready? He should be here any minute.
Earl: Watch out ladies, �cause here he comes. The shit, the man, the incredible bad ass motherfucking king of the industry, the largest mother on the scene: Daddy Mack, baby. (He emerges from behind the bench wearing a purple suit, loafers and sunglasses)
Madonna: Oh Earl. You look great. I think it's gonna work.
Earl: What do you want me to say, then?
Madonna: Just improvise as you go. The normal stuff. I'm fantastic, the world won't be the same with out me. Tell �im we've been talking to Atlantic and MCA and we ain't gonna go for no half-ass shit. Tell �im we want total artistic control, you know. But don't come on too strong. You know what to do.
[Colin enters. Slick executive.]
Colin: Good to see you again, Madonna. ( He kisses her hand.) And you are...
Earl: Mack. I'm her agent, you know what I mean?
Colin: Ah yes. Right. Colin Powell... Good to meet you, Mr. Mack. (They shake hands.)
Earl: Have a seat, my man, Colin.
Colin: Yes. It's Colin. (pronounced Coh-lin.)
[Colin sits on end of bench. Earl sits down on other end of bench]
Colin: So I've heard a lot about your little spunky thing here. Heard she can really dance.
Earl: That's right. An that ain't all she can do. She can sing better �n Diana Ross, an act better �n Betty Davis. She's a multi-media conglomeration of talent. She can do it all. And sell it. Can't ya honey?
Madonna: Uh huh.
Earl: She's got the sex appeal of Marilyn Monroe, I tell you she's just one right marketable prospect.
Colin: I see.
Earl: But you ain't seen nothin' yet. She's everything America needs. She's a sweet little Catholic girl, who ain't afraid of goin' to hell. She's white, but she can dance like the best of us. She's a woman, but she's got the confidence and presence of a man. Don't you baby?
Madonna: Uh huh.
Earl: I tell you you can't go wrong with her. She's one hot prospect to trot for. And, well to be right honest with you we've been talkin' to some people at Atlantic and MCA who have given us some offers. The market's boomin' for something exciting and new like her. But I thought we'd let you in on things. It's only fair. And you can give me some idea of what Warner Brothers is willing to put up.
Colin: I see.
Madonna: You wanna see me dance?
Colin: Yes. Yes. That would be helpful.
[Madonna dances to a raunchy slow version of Like a Virgin. She does a strip tease for the two men, and at the end she is sitting on the bench between them.]
Madonna: So boys, what do ya think?
Colin: I must admit, There's something solid in it.
Madonna: Like what?
Colin: Well I think it could be quite marketable.
Madonna: You think? You think I could be on MTV?
Colin: I think that is a possibility.
Madonna: Oh really! Oh Colin!! (She embraces him and jumps on his lap)
Colin: Perhaps we could further discuss the nuances of your future relationship with Warner Brothers over a drink. Somewhere more... personal.
Earl: Yeah. Sounds good Colin. We could sort out some of the minor details on the business end.
Colin: Actually, I was thinking more in terms of an artistic conference. Just Madonna and myself.
Madonna: That sounds great, Colin.
Colin: Shall we?
Madonna: Yeah. (They exit. Andrew enters.)
Earl: Lucky dog. (To Andrew) What ya doin' boy?
Andrew: Hey, don't do that. You scared me.
Earl: Poachin' in my forest are you?
Andrew: Yo man, can you help me score?
Earl: Who you talkin' to, boy?
Andrew: You dude, who do you think?
Earl: Boy, what do I look like, the Dope man?
Andrew: Can't you hook me up? I know you can. Have you seen anything?
Earl: I ain't seen shit.
Andrew: Come on man. I'll pay you good.
Earl: Boy, you lost your mind too young. You a stupid kid.
[Hooman enters with Nicole]
Hooman: Freeze motherfucker! Freeze! (He pulls a gun and points it at Andrew.) Get down on the ground! (Andrew obeys. He puts the gun to Andrew's head)
Hooman: Shut your face bitch. You're just a dirty ho like your mother. Ain't no difference. Young beaver, old beaver. They all just stinkin' beaver. But you, you little white ass motherfucker. You know there's nothing more enjoyable to me than killin' cheap Jewish motherfuckers like you. Did you know that? I take pleasure in your pitiful death. Do you know why? Because no one...no one fucks with me.
Andrew: I know man. I'm sorry man. It was stupid. I'm sorry. I'll pay you back whatever....
Hooman: (Stepping on his head.) Shut up, Jew boy. I ain't finished. You see no one fucks with me and gets away with it. It ain't about money. That's got nothin' to do with it. It's honor man. And not just that. Unlike some people around here I've got some amount of self-respect that I have to maintain. And I can't go around letting assholes like you rip me off. I wouldn't be able to like myself if I did that. You understand?
Andrew: I'll give you anything man. I'm serious. I got a brand new Jeep man. I'll give it to you.
Hooman: Yo man. You really don't get it do you. You a stupid motherfucker. Yo man who the fuck do you think I am? You think I can be bought? For money? Well you're wrong. Haven't you ever heard of honor, man? I guess not. Well fuck you. You don't deserve to live. (He is about to fire.)
Earl: Stop it kid.
Hooman: You're next, old man.
[Enter Yolanda with Cybelle. Hooman grabs Nicole.]
Yolanda: Get your stinkin' hands off my child!
Hooman: Get your stinkin' cunt out my face!
Yolanda: Fuck off. (She approaches him)
Hooman: Move one more step, Momma whore and I blow your little piglet's head in too.
Yolanda: You can't kill us all, Hooman.
Hooman: No? Like fuck I can't. Step to me. Come on bitch.
Nicole: Mom, I'm okay.
Yolanda: Give me my child!
Earl: Come on man. Cool it. (He approaches.)
Hooman: Fuck off, Earl.
Earl: (Puts his hands up and slowly approaches) Give me the gun.
Hooman: (laughs) What kind of idiot do you think I am? Move one step and she dies.
Earl: You're only a boy. You can't shoot that thing.
[Across the stage enter Colin and Madonna. Colin (dressed as cop) has a gun drawn.]
Madonna: There he is!
Hooman: (Pointing at Colin) Freeze, motherfucker! (Earl knocks the gun from behind him. The gun goes off. Everyone falls to the ground. Earl pins him down. Nicole runs to her mother. Andrew runs off. Colin enters and takes Hooman's gun. Earl stands up. Hooman is on the ground, under Colin's gun.]
Yolanda: My baby. (She embraces Nicole)
Nicole: It's all right, Mom.
Yolanda: (approaching Hooman) Kill him. (She spits on him.) Motherfucker. (She exits with both waifs.)
Colin: All right, it's all over.
Hooman: I didn't do nothin man. Please man. Please.
Colin: Don't worry I won't hurt you.
Hooman: What the fuck? What did I do? I didn't say shit.
Colin: I'm not going to hurt you, son.
Hooman: You're not?
Colin: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...(Colin drags him across the stage)
Colin: You have the right to attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the court. (Colin drags him away. Colin's partner (Cop #2) enters during this and takes hold of Hooman.)
Hooman: What's the charge? (Colin's partner drags him offstage) This is bullshit man. What's the charge!? I want justice! Justice!
Madonna: Eat me, asshole.
Colin: All right, all right folks. This ain't no show. Move on out. Come on!
Earl: Ain't no one left, officer.
Colin: Come on, move it. I'm talking to you. This park is closed.
Earl: Hey, don't I know you?
Colin: No you don't.
Earl: Come on, what's yout name. I know you.
Colin: I'm the police. That's my name.
Earl: No, no. I know you. Nam man, you were in Nam with me.
Colin: Come on, guy. That's enough.
Earl: Yeah. I know you. You're Colin Powell, that's who you are. Come on Colin, it's me. Earl. Don't you remember?
Colin: What's this guy raving about?
Earl: Don't you remember, Nam man. Vietnam. We did Nam together.
Colin: The man's insane.
Earl: You ain't kidding.
Colin: Never went to Vietnam, I'm proud to say. What a complete fiasco. A disgrace.
Earl: What happened to your head, man. It's me. Me. Earl. You can't forget all that.
Colin: All right Captain America. I'm taking your ass to jail. (He grabs Earl)
Earl: I can't leave here. I live here.
Colin: This park is closed. You're under arrest.
Earl: For what?
Colin: You have the right to remain silent.
Earl: Fuck that shit. I ain't remainin' silent. That's just what you want me to do right? Shut the hell up. Right?
Colin: Anything you say can and will be said against you in a court of law.
Earl: Come on Colin. This is bullshit.
Colin: You wouldn't know bullshit if it hit you in the face. (Putting handcuffs on Earl.)
Madonna: Hurry up Colin. Our reservations are for 8.
Colin: I'll be right there baby. Go wait in the car.( She exits. Earl whips back and hits Colin, knocking him to the ground.)
Earl: You always been slow Colin. I was always saving your ass. You remember me now, motherfucker? (He lets him go and faces upstage) (Colin takes out his gun and points it a Earl)
Earl: Don't worry about me. I got eyes in the back of my head. Peace brother. Peace be with you.
Colin: Peace, Earl. That's what we need. Why do we fight? We fight for peace. For rest, for salvation. Why do we live? To fight. Cause there ain't no such thing as salvation and you know it.
(Earl starts singing Amazing Grace )
Colin: You can forget it Earl. Ain't nothing here for you. This is the material world. And salvation is drugs, sex, money and power. You're a sad kind of fool Earl. Never did quite get with reality, did you? Nam was a long time ago. You've got to live in the present, my friend, not the past. That's how you get old. Times have changed and you got to change with them. Look at you. You're a fucking lunatic. Do you realize that? You really don't belong here. You're out of place, Earl. Bad for business anyway. People don't want to look at you. I've got orders to clear you outta here, so that's what I gotta do.
Earl: I live here!
Colin: No you don't. You live in never-never land. You're a ghost. What are you doing here? You haunt these people, these decent hard working people. They can't understand you. And you never let them alone. You can't harass people like that, Earl. It's against the law.
Earl: They're all confused.
Colin: This world is confused.
Earl: We're on the same side, Colin. The same side.
Colin: No. There's no sides. Just one thing. We all gotta live for one thing.
Colin: You have to keep moving with the world Earl. There's no rest stops.
Colin: You're saying the same things you said 25 years ago. Where'd you learn that word Earl?
Earl: (Whispers)The traitors....
Colin: Earl, I'm a business man.
Earl: And the spies...
Colin: Gotta make a living, Earl.
Earl: (starts to turn) Colin.
Colin: Gotta move on.
Earl: (sings) �I don't wanna grow up...'
Colin: I'm not playing, Earl.
Earl: �...I'm a Toys �R' Us kid. A million toys for girls and boys will really flip your lid...'
[Colin shoots him 3 times. Blackout.]
[Enter Andrew. He approaches the corpse. He goes through Earls pockets, and finds nothing. He removes a pipe from his jacket and smokes. He exits. Enter Yolanda and waifs.]
Nicole: Mother, It's all right. It's only Earl.
Cybelle: He's dead.
Yolanda: We are all going to die. Death is the end of time.
Nicole: We are with you, mother.
Yolanda: My daughters you will make me immortal.
Cybelle: I love you mother.
Nicole: Are you hungry, mother?
Yolanda: Hungry and tired.
Cybelle: Rest Mother. Let us eat the food which men have prepared.
Nicole: I love you mother.
[Blackout. Enter Madonna and Colin in military uniform.]
Madonna: He's beautiful. Looks like he's just sleeping. If you can look through it all, right to his soul, what we're really seeing is something beautiful, ya know. Death should always be violent. I want to waste away. I want to go out with a bang.
Colin: It's a sight for weak-hearted America. We need strength, power, supremacy if we are going to survive. We've got to string up all the Arabs who will keep us from it.
Madonna: Strength, power, supremacy. I got it all babe and I'll sell it to ya cheap. I'll sell good don't you think, Colin? When I get famous, d'ya think everyone will want a little piece of me?
Colin: You're just what America needs, sweetheart.
[Blackout. On stage: Hooman, Andrew, Yolanda and waifs, Earl. Earl is reading a newspaper. Newspaper reads in boldface: HOMELESS MAN MURDERED!]
Andrew: Yo man, you got some rock?
Hooman: Yeah man. What you need? (They move to SR to complete their transaction.)
Nicole: Mommy, what's a sex machine?
Yolanda: Where do you girls get these questions? Why don't you shut your trap for once you little cunt and make some money.
Nicole: Like Madonna. Her cunt makes lots of money.
Yolanda: That's because she's marketable. She'll make more money than you'll ever dream of.
Nicole: What's wrong with my cunt? Isn't it marketable?
Cybelle: What's marketable mean?
Nicole: It means horrible.
Cybelle: Yeah Mom, why?
Yolanda: Why do you two prattle on incessantly about Madonna?
Nicole: We love her.
Cybelle: She's the greatest.
Earl: What a dancer!
[Blackout. Blaring Material Girl is played.]