---

THE FOXHOLE

by Eric Ferguson

Copyright © 1995 by Eric Ferguson.
All rights reserved.
5732 Bossen Terrace #2
Minneapolis, MN 55417
voice/fax: (612)726-6364
<fergie@pioneerplanet.infi.net>

---



CHARACTERS:

• William Johnson: army private, heterosexual
• Peter Jones: army private, homosexual
• The Sergeant, also male
• Nancy Bossen: army private

---

(The scene is a foxhole. Johnson is in the foxhole when the lights come up. Sergeant and Jones enter, keeping their heads low.)

SERGEANT

Jones, I'm putting you in here with Johnson. Keep an eye out for anyone coming down this road. If there's a bunch of them, fall back to where we just were.

JONES

Yes Sergeant.

(Sergeant exits.)

JOHNSON

I'm William Johnson.

(He offers his hand. They shake.)

You just get transferred in?

JONES

Yeah. I just got moved in from Alpha company. I'm Peter Jones.

JOHNSON

Jones? Hey, are you that gay guy?

JONES

Oh good grief.

JOHNSON

Well?

JONES

Don't ask/don't tell, remember?

JOHNSON

Come on man, everyone knows.

JONES

Fine, everyone knows. Let's just watch our road.

(He notices Johnson wipe off the hand he shook.)

You didn't catch anything shaking hands with me.

JOHNSON

How do I know? I never met a gay guy before.

JONES

You've been sitting here in the dirt. My hand is the cleanest thing you've touched all day.

JOHNSON

Well, just don't touch me again, all right?

JONES

Fine.

JOHNSON

(After an uncomfortable silence.)

I mean, you guys shouldn't even be here.

JONES

What's the problem?!

JOHNSON

Everyone knows about you people!

JONES

Knows what?!

JOHNSON

You're thinking about sex all the time. You can't control yourselves.

JONES

What?

JOHNSON

Put two of you guys in a foxhole together and you'll be buggering each other instead concentrating on your job.

JONES

You've never even met an openly gay man before.

JOHNSON

And I don't want to. It gives me the creeps to think of one of you staring at me in the shower.

JONES

Have you ever thought that maybe you're just a bit insecure about your own...

JOHNSON

Don't give me that "I'm insecure about my own masculinity" crap. I am very secure about my masculinity. It's yours I'm not so sure about.

JONES

(Jones decides he's going to annoy Johnson by playing up the stereotype.)

Well Johnson, you sure got me figured out. All right if I call you "Willie"?

JOHNSON

What do you mean?

JONES

I'm just wondering if I can call you "Willie".

JOHNSON

No, the first part. What do you mean I got you figured out?

JONES

I don't know how I can restrain myself, sitting here alone with you.

JOHNSON

Keep your eyes on the road, okay?

JONES

Oh Willie, you're so cute when you're paranoid.

JOHNSON

Knock it off Jones.

JONES

I just want to wrap you up and take you home so I can show my gay friends my "willie".

JOHNSON

Shut up Jones!

JONES

Just let me be your bit of "Peter".

JOHNSON

Sergeant!

JONES

Don't worry about getting caught. We'll go in the back door.

JOHNSON

Sergeant! Sergeant!

SERGEANT

(Sergeant enters)

Stop yelling Johnson. Now what is it?

JOHNSON

Get this guy out of here!

SERGEANT

What's going on?

JONES

(Back to normal)

Willie here is a complete homophobe.

JOHNSON

I don't want to be alone with some fag.

SERGEANT

What? Never mind, I'll figure it out later. Jones, fall back, I'll put you somewhere else.

JONES

Fine with me.

(Jones exits)

JOHNSON

I'd rather share this hole with some woman than with you!

SERGEANT

Interesting you should say that.

JOHNSON

Why?

SERGEANT

Well, you know women are being allowed in more combat roles these days.

JOHNSON

No...

SERGEANT

Bossen, get up here!

BOSSEN

(entering)

Yes Sergeant.

SERGEANT

Help Johnson keep an eye on the road. If anything happens, holler.

BOSSEN

Yes, Sergeant.

(Sergeant exits.)

I'm Nancy Bossen, I just transferred in.

JOHNSON

William Johnson.

(They are silent a moment. Johnson looks over at her.)

You know, that helmet does something for you.

BOSSEN

Yeah, right. Just keep your eyes on the road, okay?

JOHNSON

I'll have to try hard to restrain myself, sitting here alone with you.

BOSSEN

What?

JOHNSON

I must be tough for you too. You must want to wrap me up and take me to your friends so you can show them your "willie".

BOSSEN

Keep quiet Johnson.

(Lights fade as we hear Johnson borrowing Jones' pickup lines and Bossen telling him to shut up. Blackout.)

---